The Horrible Face Of Loneliness

The Loneliness looked exactly like this creature when I looked at it for the first time. It was placed at one of the ceiling corners, completely still and watching me with eagle eyes. Not knowing what to do, I opened and fixed my eyes, staring at it with fear and wonder…

 I stopped writing a bit, just to comfort myself from the feeling of anger that still invades my heart reminiscing that bizarre moment. How awful could that be? To find a freak like that, hidden in your space, carving its way into your life…the first question was- since when it was there and where it came from. The visual still brings an agony to my soul and my desire is to make it disappear like a paper ripped by an agitated boy.

Of course, I did not know what to do. I could not possibly fight back, that was a coward match, was simply a monster attacking a kid.  This happened in my pre teenager years, once in awhile It comes to my mind but today I gave it a face- I draw it to show you how obnoxious the weirdo was. In all those years, this mutant came along with me for long journeys; it accompanied me at school, tried to splash itself in my bedroom and insisted in walk with me through the parks.

I could write a book to tell the outcome of that experience. I even wrote a few songs about it. I also learned to cook, invited friends and people that I barely knew for dinner. I learned to forgive, to let it go, to give without receiving, but I always felt like I was missing something…

My healing only came after understanding that I was, actually not alone. The Lord Himself was with me.  Oh my!!!!! How could I not see Him before? The cross goes up and down (vertical), meaning Him and me fist. Then it put me in the middle and goes towards my right and towards my left (horizontal). I am, exactly, in the center of the universe” I calmed myself down completely and felt my heart comforted. If “Loneliness is really a form of neediness”, I am all set. http://bit.ly/9Y5V6O
 
Ah, where is the creature that was in the ceiling corner? I starved it to death when I learned to love and nurture people and accept them for who they are.
Bingo

I Don't Know Who This Bird Is.

  I don't know who this bird is. I found him today. It was living in my living room, behind some art work... I don't even know his name... If I found out more about it, I'll  post here.

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Thristy for God

Today I could not stand anymore. I have to come to my room, put my knees on the floor and cry in the Lord’s presence. Overwhelmed by the life style of not having God included in my life I am now succumbing. It is not cool and it is not fun to walk around serving only my own desires and interacting with destructive and disruptive forces. My spirit agonizes with a specific loneliness; I am missing a relationship with my creator so bad that I cannot even recognize myself anymore. God put the eternity in the human’s hearts, we are eternal, we had a beginning but not an end. My spirit is longing for His presence.

The amazing Psalm 42 comes to my mind and I have to bring it here.  I believe that everybody else has the same thirstiness; we all know that humankind needs the divine. 

      As the deer longs for streams of water,

so I long for you, O God.

 I thirst for God, the living God.

When can I go and stand before him?

 Day and night I have only tears for food,

while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,

“Where is this God of yours?”

 My heart is breaking

as I remember how it used to be:

I walked among the crowds of worshipers,

leading a great procession to the house of God,

singing for joy and giving thanks

amid the sound of a great celebration!

  Why am I discouraged?

Why is my heart so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again—

my Savior and 6 my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,

but I will remember you—

even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,

from the land of Mount Mizar.

 I hear the tumult of the raging seas

as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.

 But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,

and through each night I sing his songs,

praying to God who gives me life.

 “O God my rock,” I cry,

“Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I wander around in grief,

oppressed by my enemies?”

 Their taunts break my bones.

They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”

   Why am I discouraged?

Why is my heart so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again—

my Savior and my God