My work is the fruit of who I am. Does not matter if I like it or not, I am an artist.
It comes from an intrinsic need..it is my imagination pulsing to come alive... I create an image and call
that the essence of my soul and allege that it is just enough to explain everything
else in my whole life. Now at this stage of my existence, I am far away from the time
when these things may caused me embarrassment.
What?
An artist?
What do you mean by that?
I mean an artist, just an artist
It is simple like that.
What is this thing floating on top of me? Who is this bird and where it came from? I found it in my mind yesterday when I was looking for things to write about as my therapist recommended …
I don’t like him. He has humongous wings, and a cloud of black powder splashes from it when he moves. He looks so focused and I am afraid that he is staring at me. I have the impression from his body language that he is moving his head as if he is calculating something. Oh my! How come I came up with that being?
…I am going to sell this bird this Saturday at the Hillcrest Farmers market. I want let it go. I bet somebody will find it funny and buy for some reason. It was just a thought anyway…let it fade.
The thing is that, some times we screwed up big time. It hurts. I could stop my blog post right here and everybody would just understand what I said, because everybody also screwed up big time as well. We could say we are just humans, little creatures, fragile like the flowers that die in the fields........
I am feeling that I am spinning around…I will start this text over but leaving everybody out of this:
The thing is that, some times, I screwed up big times and it hurts a lot. I have this impression that I will never learn important lessons to exercise wisdom. ….oh!!! if I could stop my words before it brings destruction!... My words came against me like a sharp knife to get me; what upsets me the most is the fact that, this horrible agent of destruction came from my very own mouth.
Today has been so far a hard day. It is 4:21California time, and I am overwhelmed with life since I opened my eyes in the morning…to make things worse there was no sun today. It was a dark raining day to the point to wet people’s soul.
The reason for this grieving is that I said something in the middle of the morning that made me look like a clown and I hated it. The situation was ridiculous to my eyes. I know better, I have better judgment than that, but for some reason I let mediocrity came from nowhere and punch me right on my face……………
I want stop to write right now…I am upset. It will be easer do not think about this and move on, but I will keep going, I want to digest the bitterness of the occasion to see if I can learn something from it……………..no focus………………………………………anguish…………………………………
………………….I stopped right here and went to the hot tube…..prayed there for long time; even cried before the Lord…I cried out for wisdom. He said Himself that if we ask for wisdom He will give us without finding fault….that means He will not judge or throw things on my face because earlier today I spoke like a fool. Therefore, thinking about that I left everything in His feet asking for wisdom…I also forgave me and comforted my heart….I will not let this knocked me down. I will learn…I will be vigilant….and I will stop this suffering right now………………………..ufa……………
…………..it is one day at the time right? I am glad today is over.
Proverbs 6:2 you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of yourmouth.
Proverbs 18:6 The lips of fools bring them strife, and theirmouths invite a beating.
Ecclesiastes 2:13 I saw thatwisdomis better than folly, just as light is better than darkness.
Ecclesiastes 7:23 All this I tested bywisdomand I said, “I am determined to be wise”— but this was beyond me.
James 1:5 If any of you lackswisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
10 WAYS TO SURVIVE THIS CRISIS AND AVOID A HEART ATTACK.
The situation really sucks right now. An average person is about to have a heart attack. We cannot believe the news and we wish that all that we hear were just fantasy. The economy came to an unbelievable point, and the stock market of life is crashing. We are all in despair. What can we do now?
1)First, calm your ass down - Do not panic. You will need all your strength to survive the difficult days ahead. If you can stay cool, you will keep your sanity, which will help you to manage the situation and be creative to find the ultimate opportunity hidden behind the crisis.
2)Do not be an ass just because you are unhappy – Do not allow yourself to mistreat the people you love, or even the strangers, because you are feeling horrible. Be polite and act as if you were sorry because you know that everybody else is hurting as well.
3)Cut the crap - Stop listening to the news. Misery likes company. Do not go for it.
4)Do not be a knucklehead – stop insisting on materialism. Start finding pleasure in simple things. Go for a walk in a park, read a good book, find fun in the company of your friends.
5)Do not leave space for self-commiseration. It is not always about you. The whole world is in pain; there is no peace anywhere and you will help a lot if you maintain your mental health. Again, be creative.
6)Be very careful about your drug intake just to relax or avoid reality. If you get too addicted to the drug of your choice, you will create a huge problem for yourself. When the crisis is gone, you will not enjoy anything anymore because your life will be wasted.
7) Do not be so harsh with life. We do not need to be aggressive right now. We need to take it ease and rethink things in general.
8)Be disgusted with yourself for loving plastic so much and not wanting to give up on any commodity, whose basic material is polluting and killing the planet earth. Be ashamed of the inheritance you are living for the next generation.
9)Reverse your values. People are more important than things. Spend more time with your family. Nurture friendships. Send a message of love and encouragement through the internet to everybody alive.
10)Humble yourself before God. Stop running after religion like a crazy chicken trying to find solutions in people and in vain philosophies. Get quiet and put your hope in Him who is bigger than your problems. You will know that you are not alone
If none of these thing works for you, call me. I’ll cheer you up.
The World Cup is here again and I was never, in my whole life so isolated from the whole experience like I am now. I was always with that crazy people. In one of these times believe me or not, I was in Rio, with one of the coolest people on heart.
Now, I am isolated from the Brazilian world here in San Diego. . . felling like an out cast...
I had to make a tribute to Brazil and I did not know what to do... then I took a picture of the mirror. Que saudade.!!!
The Loneliness looked exactly like this creature when I looked at it for the first time. It was placed at one of the ceiling corners, completely still and watching me with eagle eyes. Not knowing what to do, I opened and fixed my eyes, staring at it with fear and wonder…
I stopped writing a bit, just to comfort myself from the feeling of anger that still invades my heart reminiscing that bizarre moment. How awful could that be? To find a freak like that, hidden in your space, carving its way into your life…the first question was- since when it was there and where it came from. The visual still brings an agony to my soul and my desire is to make it disappear like a paper ripped by an agitated boy.
Of course, I did not know what to do. I could not possibly fight back, that was a coward match, was simply a monster attacking a kid. This happened in my pre teenager years, once in awhile It comes to my mind but today I gave it a face- I draw it to show you how obnoxious the weirdo was. In all those years, this mutant came along with me for long journeys; it accompanied me at school, tried to splash itself in my bedroom and insisted in walk with me through the parks.
I could write a book to tell the outcome of that experience. I even wrote a few songs about it. I also learned to cook, invited friends and people that I barely knew for dinner. I learned to forgive, to let it go, to give without receiving, but I always felt like I was missing something…
My healing only came after understanding that I was, actually not alone. The Lord Himself was with me. Oh my!!!!! How could I not see Him before? The cross goes up and down (vertical), meaning Him and me fist. Then it put me in the middle and goes towards my right and towards my left (horizontal). I am, exactly, in the center of the universe” I calmed myself down completely and felt my heart comforted. If “Loneliness is really a form of neediness”, I am all set. http://bit.ly/9Y5V6O Ah, where is the creature that was in the ceiling corner? I starved it to death when I learned to love and nurture people and accept them for who they are. Bingo
I don't know who this bird is. I found him today. It was living in my living room, behind some art work... I don't even know his name... If I found out more about it, I'll post here.
Today I could not stand anymore. I have to come to my room, put my knees on the floor and cry in the Lord’s presence. Overwhelmed by the life style of not having God included in my life I am now succumbing. It is not cool and it is not fun to walk around serving only my own desires and interacting with destructive and disruptive forces. My spirit agonizes with a specific loneliness; I am missing a relationship with my creator so bad that I cannot even recognize myself anymore. God put the eternity in the human’s hearts, we are eternal, we had a beginning but not an end. My spirit is longing for His presence.
The amazing Psalm 42 comes to my mind and I have to bring it here. I believe that everybody else has the same thirstiness; we all know that humankind needs the divine.
As the deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I go and stand before him?
Day and night I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
“Where is this God of yours?”
My heart is breaking
as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
amid the sound of a great celebration!
Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and 6 my God!
Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.
I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
