The Little Plover

The Little Plover

This little guy is fascinating, he is blue and lives in a blue world, he has those black lines going up and down making him look charmingly odd; his legs are enormous and he owns the water. He is very courageous. At night time he kind of blows in the dark. He is actually just a little thing, which gives me the impression that I can fit him in between my hands.

The most alluring thing about this creature is his arresting eyes. I honestly never saw eyes with such a sweetness; if you take the time to stare at it, a surprising calmness will conduct you to a feeling of well being.

What comes to my mind when I look at this honey are words like: reliable, responsible, always there, carrying the load, good as one's word, loyal, rock like, secure, stable, steadfast, steady, sure, to be counted on, tried, tried-and-true, true, trustworthy, trusty, unfailing.

He has a lot to say but he won’t, because no talking is poetry.

I saw him for the first time when I was walking completely alone on the beaches of California. All of sudden the bitterness of my solitude went away like flying, and my eyes were open to see it there, moving in a incredible speed, dancing with the waves and being astonishing like only himself.

So many things could have been documented here to describe the Little Plover but I will stop right now and let you complete this text with me. I will let you guys meet each other and get emotional with each other. Let me know if this tiny being touched your heart.

Loooooooooooooooooooooove

The Fondest Day In California

I keep saying that people from California are very unfriendly, closed and individualist who give one the impression that in most places, you are a non person (http://bit.ly/bbcRW2) because they don’t even see you. Yeah, but I have to post here that yesterday I had a very social day in LA and my heart felt nice and fuzzy with so much attention.

Walking on Hollywood BLVD for the fist time ever, I was thrilled that Michael Jackson, actually, smiled at me. The Superman said hi and Batman, trying to be funny came from behind me and lifted his humongous wings which was cool. The wonder woman was available for pictures if I wanted, exactly at the time when Spider man was showing off trying to get my attention. Even the new guy from Alice in Wonderland was all accessible and well-disposed. There was, also, this old rapper man that asked for my name and created a little song especially for me. Oh my! How special these people from California can make me feel…

So to finish the day in a great style, we went to Paul’s Birthday party and there I confirmed what I am saying here. Almost everybody said hi. I was so surprised, and, guess what- I made three friends and a fourth one, the one with a light green colored hair, spent a long time hanging out. See? For almost five hours we chatted and laughed and teased each other like old friends.

I guess today I have to rethink all I had said against these chummy people, even thought I woke up in San Diego again, where I feel like I am inside a plastic bubble... doesn’t matter where I go. At least I’ll keep in my head the delicious memories of the fondest day I had in the West. Talk about having a blast.

Flee Like a Bird to Your Moutain.

I am completely lost right now, I need a place to put my feet on. I do not have a studio to paint, I don't have home, I don't even have a city, imagine a country. I am nowhere, belonging nowhere like a traveler between times.

March 21, 2010

The sensation that I have right now is that I am in the air; I have no place to put my feet on, I was telling a friend that I am going back home and back home is East of North America. What could be more mess up than that? A Brazilian person departing from California heading home finishes her journey in Boston Massachusetts. I remember that in the night I left Brazil I spent some moments with myself in my room and I felt some strange feelings. I heard my heart out loud telling me to not go anywhere, to not leave my people, to be content there. “Otherwise, If you go, you will have your heart divided for ever between two lands, you’ll experience the emptiness that being a alien causes. The worse though, is when the time passes and the years get sprayed with loneliness, your heart, now, so used to strange lands, will feel comfortable being faraway. In that point you have no country anymore and your life perspective will change forever. So, don’t go”… I heard everything my heart was saying, got ready, kissed my family and departed.

The night was nice and warm; I had a bunch of friends at the airport saying good bye. I was feeling romantic and thrilled. I was about to materialize my dream of going to America, I was deliciously overwhelmed with the idea that,” when I wake up tomorrow morning in the airplane I will be in another world….

That happened 16 years ago, with thousands of stories in between, I am only sure about one thing now, I will be happy anyway, anywhere, doesn’t matter what.

Maybe home is the world.

I am actually, a world citizen,

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. Psalm 23:6

Psalm 11:1Of David. In the LORD I take refuge. How then can you say to me:

"Flee like a bird to your mountain."

Psalm 102:7
I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof.

My oldest brother told me that it is better to be the head of a lamb in your own country ,then to be the tale of a lion in somebody else land.

Proverbs 27:8
Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home.

I lost my sense of direction when we moved to San Diego Ca, first I had to cope with the pain of founding out that the "sunny city" was just a fraud and the appearance of paradise is just external...but this is a subject for another posting.

The Wound from where the Pearl Will be Born.

Looking for a Pearl

The ocean breeze in this afternoon is amazingly kind; it is refreshing and smells like joy.

I had to bring my self back to the ocean again today just because I am still hurting, but in the beginning of the process of healing from what had happened in the latest circumstances and its effect on my personal life. I was truly more calm because I had forgave my own sins yesterday, what brought balance to my emotions. When I was sitting on the sand I had a delicious moment of interaction with the colors. The sky was definitely ultramarine blue, from the horizon line and up a refreshing glaze was evaporating towards the universe, underneath that a dark green divided the scene interrelating with the blues and greens of the waves. Everything was so nice and perfect till a popping and a jumping white graciously rushes in my direction as if it is trying to reach me.

I am delighted with the gentleness I have been treating myself right now. Even thought I am feeling sad and embarrassed I am leading my mind to not practice self punishment, propensity to self hurt, to not get into blaming games, be too strict on me or too unreasonable with my own being. That is, actually the first time I see my soul getting to my side so consistently to overcome failure. Probably by now the reader is thinking that I am crazy and I am not making any sense. I am just hiding in the words that I am experiencing a difficult situation and I am counting on myself only to get my pieces together, raise my head above the water and keep on going. The exact narrative of the facts is not necessary once it is just an immense cut wide open what I can see right now. I have been hanging in there; nursing the pain I am feeling, hoping that from this wound I caused will arise a magnificent pearl which will make me a very reach person. For now thought, it is hurting like a gun shot.

Creation of a pearl

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearl#Natural_pearls

Pearls are formed inside the shell of certain mollusks: as a defense mechanism to a potentially threatening irritant such as a parasite inside its shell, or an attack from outside, injuring the mantle tissue. The mollusk creates a pearl sac to seal off the irritation.

I wont let this pain go

without leaving me a pearl.

I will have a pearl from

If it is hurting me so badly I must collect a pearl from it.

Lonely Sunday

ITS SUNDAY EVERYBODY!!

I remember Sundays that I had to drag myself through it, I recall passing the long hours of boredom trying to make sense on those feelings that the last day of the week usually brings. It is not that I am dying here or have to take a pill or something, it is just that I am not excited enough, my soul is very quiet resting in a corner of expectations. At least is sunny today, what makes me feel fuzzy; the fact that I can go outside and walk to distract my mind gives me a little relieved. I should walk to the beach and spend a time there thinking about things… It is good to seat alone and put your life in perspective.

"It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him."

Jeremiah 3:24,25,26