Flee Like a Bird to Your Moutain.

I am completely lost right now, I need a place to put my feet on. I do not have a studio to paint, I don't have home, I don't even have a city, imagine a country. I am nowhere, belonging nowhere like a traveler between times.

March 21, 2010

The sensation that I have right now is that I am in the air; I have no place to put my feet on, I was telling a friend that I am going back home and back home is East of North America. What could be more mess up than that? A Brazilian person departing from California heading home finishes her journey in Boston Massachusetts. I remember that in the night I left Brazil I spent some moments with myself in my room and I felt some strange feelings. I heard my heart out loud telling me to not go anywhere, to not leave my people, to be content there. “Otherwise, If you go, you will have your heart divided for ever between two lands, you’ll experience the emptiness that being a alien causes. The worse though, is when the time passes and the years get sprayed with loneliness, your heart, now, so used to strange lands, will feel comfortable being faraway. In that point you have no country anymore and your life perspective will change forever. So, don’t go”… I heard everything my heart was saying, got ready, kissed my family and departed.

The night was nice and warm; I had a bunch of friends at the airport saying good bye. I was feeling romantic and thrilled. I was about to materialize my dream of going to America, I was deliciously overwhelmed with the idea that,” when I wake up tomorrow morning in the airplane I will be in another world….

That happened 16 years ago, with thousands of stories in between, I am only sure about one thing now, I will be happy anyway, anywhere, doesn’t matter what.

Maybe home is the world.

I am actually, a world citizen,

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. Psalm 23:6

Psalm 11:1Of David. In the LORD I take refuge. How then can you say to me:

"Flee like a bird to your mountain."

Psalm 102:7
I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof.

My oldest brother told me that it is better to be the head of a lamb in your own country ,then to be the tale of a lion in somebody else land.

Proverbs 27:8
Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home.

I lost my sense of direction when we moved to San Diego Ca, first I had to cope with the pain of founding out that the "sunny city" was just a fraud and the appearance of paradise is just external...but this is a subject for another posting.